= a place quintessentially in need of some kindness.
We took a sheet of paper with seven kindness options printed on it, hoping to brighten the day of some employee inside by allowing him to receive the kindness act of his choice. He did not speak English well, and didn’t seem to understand the concept—so we asked him about his favorite fruit, and subsequently delivered him a bounty of apples and bananas.
His response? Anger.
Our response? Guilt, confusion.
What we had done was this: instead of presenting someone randomly with say, a pineapple, we tried to present them with exactly what they wanted. We thought giving them the chance to choose and customize their “gift” was more kind. But after this man’s response, we felt that perhaps we had actually done something UN-kind, because the receiver had to take on the burden of the choice–even though the choice itself was supposed to be PART of the kindness.
After some contemplation, we resolved that the act itself wasn’t less kind. But it was a mistake none-the-less, as the feeling of kindness received was less. So–why was less kindness imparted?
Having “choices” is something that most people value, but with choices comes a decision, and with a decision comes Responsibility and Regret. A classic paradox of choice —the more choices we have, the less happy we are with the choice we make.
Making a choice about receiving an act of kindness could turn what should be a simple act of receiving into a more complex act of “accepting” (feeling like you chose or asked for an act of kindness to be done for you), leading to guilt, the obligation of reciprocation, as well as regret for all the kindnesses options you didn’t choose.
We’re still counting the act as one of our twenty. Today we hung a bird feeder. Tomorrow we’re helping Larry (our prisoner pen-pal) by setting up a blog.
Difficult Things 